I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize