I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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