ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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