i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
