you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i have two assholes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
