I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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