i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
