Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
