just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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