I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
