i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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