Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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