I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
