How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize