Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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