i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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