i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
