Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
