my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Acid is not a monday night drug
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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