you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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