I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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