i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
