Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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