Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
