i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
