pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
