i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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