you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
