i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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