Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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