How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize