I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
