this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
