I cockslap morals
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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