maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
