i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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