i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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