you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hippo gnu deer
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
