I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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