I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
