My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
