guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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