how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
