It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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