3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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