How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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