i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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