walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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