Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
