I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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