So drunk its hurt
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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