check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
