you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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