he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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