I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
