she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
