Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
