She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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