i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize