i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
