I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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